Fireworks
by Mrs Don Draper
Summary: Zombie!AU. Even zombies like magic tricks that go out with a bang.


"Uh, Barney! A little help over here would be nice!" yelled Ted as he was slowly backed into a corner by an undead beast.

The zombie reached out to touch Ted's face, his putrid breath filling his nose and making his eyes water as he tried to the wall suck him in. After tossing a firework at his own potential brain-eating fiend, Barney tuck and rolled over to his friend.

"Hey zombie dude!"

The thing turned, momentarily distracted.

"Do you like maaaaaaaaaaagic?"

It apparently did, and it must have also thought that if you new magic tricks, then you had a pretty good sized brain too. It began loping its way over to Barney.

"That's right, just a little closer to my yummy brains!"

"Barney! What the hell are you doing? Kill it already!" Ted yelled.

And suddenly, so suddenly because Ted was never actually sure how Barney managed to do it, red and purple sparks were soon erupting in the same spot where the zombie had been standing moments ago; its fellows backed away in fear as well. Ted stared in shock, rooted to the spot until Barney dragged him away.

"Come on, we gotta get outta here before its big finish!" Barney warned, grabbing his hand and running in the direction of the restaurant's bathroom, tossing flaming matches behind him in case some of the more brave undead decided to follow them. Ted gripped his hand tightly, unsure of how much time they would have before Barney's big firework exploded. Barney shoved them into the last stall and they ducked down to the floor, heads touching as they crouched. He had remembered something about the bathroom being the safest place to hide from a blast because it would be the most solidly built. He hoped that he had remembered correctly.

"Barney," Ted panted, "are-are we gonna die because of that firecracker?"

"I'm not really sure dude. I've never used one of those before, but it was the last one I had on me. The guy I got it from said it packed a major punch and-"

"Major Punch," Ted whispered out of habit.

"-to not use it inside...or else. So if the zombies don't kill us, that thing will."

Barney tried to look unfazed.

"You know, we met in a bathroom…and now we're going to die in a bathroom," said Ted morbidly.

Not as if they both weren't pretty confident that their luck had run out.

"I never pictured myself dying on the floor of the men's room. I always imagined more girls…No offense Ted."

He plastered on his trademark smirk.

Ted just stayed quiet, giving his friend's hand a squeeze.

"Ted, I don't know if you know this, but I'm a pretty awesome person. And I don't know about you, but if I'm getting out of here alive, then so are you."

"Yeah, and what makes you so sure about that?"

The steady tramp of feet walking down their hallway as the popping of the firework got louder, indicating it was getting ready for its last big discharge.

"Because I love you...duh."

"Wait, wha-?"

Barney pulled Ted even closer to him so he could kiss him properly, even going so far as to run his tongue on Ted's bottom lip. Ted is still shocked when he pulls away. Their hands drop.

"Dude! Barney...?"

"Now, climb up my back and get out through that window," instructed Barney.

They both stand.

"But how will you get out?"

"Don't worry; I'll be fine. Just go!"

Sounds of explosion began to echo down the hallway the same time zombie fists relentlessly beat on the bathroom door.

"Hurry, bro!"

Ted hesitated before a light bulb went off in his head.

"Article 107 of the Bro Code: A bro never leaves another bro hanging."

Ted crossed his arms, if not to seem strong for Barney, then to at least prevent himself from being tempted by Barney's offer. Barney flipped.

"Goddamnit! We're going to die! Get out of here Ted!" Barney panics.

"Dude, it's fine. Come here."

Ted opens his arms to hold him. Barney snuffles into Ted's collar. Barney flinches when they finally manage to bust the door open. Ted grips him tighter.

"Shhhh..."

_At least, he thinks, Marshall, Lily, and Robin didn't have to see us go_.

He grips Barney's suit jacket even when he knows it's over. Even when Barney stops moving. Even when he can't feel his fingers anymore. Even when…


End file.
